The new adventure

I have a houseguest for 2 weeks. My cousin has arrived from Japan to establish himself here in the Emerald City. In part because I am here and have experience working with people "like him." In other words...addicts. He drinks and hasn't been on his other meds and his marriage fell apart in Japan so he is back in the states now. It is an interesting thing this dealing with family. In part I think he needs my Social Work side but because he is family he is staying in my home. Part of me wants to give him all the freedom I would any guest. But he is not just any guest, he is not here for a visit, he is here to establish himself and thus has no other place to go. He has a spotty work history, a trail of very poor behaviors and decisions with other family members and, I assume, like other addicts, he will be on his best behavior for a period of time and then it will get easier to fall into old patterns again. It is so hard to maintain behavior changes. I haven't been putting the effort into staying on the South Beach diet and I know that it affects my health and mood - in a negative way, but it seems easier to blow it off then to stick with it. I drive too often to work when I have a bus pass that will get me there for free (!!!). So I end up being a single occupancy driver taking up space, polluting the environment and paying through the nose for parking - triple whammy! And yet I continue to stay up too late and wake up late and panic and drive to work.

Behavior change and motivation. What makes it click for any one of us? What is the breaking point and why do we often have to hit it so many times before we really change for good? Can humans ever change "for good"? As I get older I keep coming back to the fact that it (change, life etc) is all a process and one that we have to re-dedicate ourselves to every day and sometimes more than once a day. It's about having more good or "on" days than bad of "off" days. It is hard to live a life of absolutes, of nevers. Even peope I know with dietary issues sometimes fall "off the wagon." They pay a price but it will inevitably happen again. It is also about habits. I can't think of the last time I so much as pulled out of a parking space in my car without having my seatbelt already on. It's weird to me that this habit seems so easy and yet putting on the running shoes seems so hard.

I am also thinking a lot about what surrounds behaviors people want to change. I want to eat more healthily and yet I end up in the cupcake place often. And I realize it's not just the cupcakes I am after (though they are SUPER delicious), it's also that I know the guys that own the place and several of the folks that work there now as well - and they no me and what I am up to. It's a friendly exchange with folks whom I don't need to help, who aren't in my social circle per se but with whom I have regular encounters and we talk about events and my goat business and they are supportive and it's fun. I have proven that I can go in and just get coffee but the cupcakes help me linger longer and really, it's like an alcoholic going into a bar when they are freshly sober. I mean, I hid the liquor while my cousin is here - why tempt him? So I want to keep stopping in to the cupcake shop cuz it's more than the sweets but it's so hard to not get them. Maybe it's like telling drug addicts they have to get new friends. That is hard. Even if the friends weren't much as friends it would still be hard to not go to the same places and be with the same people but if you do, there are the drugs.

That's part of why my cousin says he is here and not where the rest of the family is and where he has spent so much of his life. He knows people, there are "triggers" all over the place for him. Here he may find what he craves but there aren't the emotional triggers and familiar people. So the hope is that he can make some new habits before he engages in any old behaviors and any triggers can develop. Unfortunately, alcohol and baked goods are all around and easy to access. We both have battles. Here's hoping for both of us.