No crutches!

Of the dietary kind at least. I came home from work on Thursday night wiped out. I seem to forget that taking someone to the ER because they are suicidal is stressful, even if I know the client and we have done this at least 2x before. As far as suicidal clients I have had to deal with, this one is by far the easiest - but that doesn't make it easy. By a long stretch. And then we talk about grief and loss as we are waiting. The "them not me" barrier has worn thin over time and that is how I know I need to go to the goats. People are complicated and while I love that, I am just so tired.

So Thursday doesn't end at the hospital, I go do my evening work at another site and talk to more desperate people. I get home and because I am on the "diet" - I am not drinking alcohol, no high fat high sugar dairy, no bread - baked goods, pasta, potatoes etc. What the hell???? So I call JuJu, she doesn't do much dairy, is allergic to wheat and I ask her what she does. It's dark so walking outside is out the picture but I do have gum. Talking to her helps even though I am not talking about my day really. That's why maintaining my friendships is so important to me - they are non-caloric! This is also why I am addicted to Facebook - keeping tabs on my people and them watching out for me - no matter where we are or how long it's been.

Friday I was just plain exhausted all day. Writing up the trip to the hospital, taking care of urgent billing stuff that pre-empted my ability to serve clients (which wasn't altogether a bad thing). Thank goodness my co-worker is back from maternity leave...I would feel ever more so far behind without her there. Still no crutches to fall back on....exactly. But I did have an entire bowl of sugar-free Jello just as I made the call to NY to talk to Adriene (not myself). She is stressing out about her own stuff and although I am listening to her, it doesn't feel like help the way it does when it's a client. I know she is capable and has plans and this is a temporary freak-out that will pass. And we bond over futures with livestock - her with horses and me with my goats. Seriously, we really should live closer to each other. The next college reunion we go to oughta be interesting!

Now it is Saturday and I have been reading my "Raising Goats for Dummies", laying around listening to the cool rain and finally getting to some of that shredding I have been meaning to do. I'll be off to do more grocery shopping soon but not a whole heck of a lot has been getting accomplished here today. And you know what? I have a feeling of contentment regardless. I am succeeding in doing things even if they are only in my head - this is what it means to lose the crutches.